Litigation Value: Very Little. Destination Wedding = $25,000; Niagara Falls Ceremony after Escaping Wedding = $100; Diapering Angela’s Cat = Priceless.
Given that last night consisted of two repeats, two of my colleagues have already done a wonderful job of covering issues raised by the Dunder Mifflin gang’s antics last night. Although last night’s episodes did not give rise to much in the way of litigation value, here’s a rundown of my top 10 things not to do at the office (or anywhere else, for that matter).
- Offer to stick spicy food (or anything else) into a coworker’s rectum.
- Discuss a coworker’s nipples. On the other hand, I definitely agree with Michael that no coworkers should be stimulating Pam’s nipples at Dunder Mifflin.
- Offer to bring a nippleless shirt to the office. Why Meredith has a nippleless anything in the car is a mystery to me. Of course, it may be the newest craze from the JWow collection.
- Pretend to shoot coworkers, even with your finger. This is particularly true if you intend to simulate gruesome brain splatter.
- Openly discuss the fact that Stanley has two lovers and you don’t have any.
- Decide to sleep nude in two coworkers’ bed, even if you are secretly eradicating mold and remodeling their kitchen for free.
- Announce that a coworker must have needed an “afternoon delight” with his wife.
- Discuss the relative hotness of a coworker as she stands uncomfortably next to you.
- Spread a rumor that a coworker has an elephant heart.
- Negotiate a parenting contract with a former office flame, even if your biological clock is ticking so loudly you awaken to find yourself cradling a gourd on your beet farm.