LITIGATION VALUE: 1,000,000 +

The “women’s appreciation” meeting was a bad idea that was poorly executed. I’m not saying that Dunder Mifflin cannot or should not recognize the achievements of its female employees. It should. I just think that the meeting shouldn’t be announced by saying “I know the crap out of women” and should not end by taking the women to a shopping mall because the office is too much of a “male environment.” If the trip to the mall wasn’t bad enough, it was “game over” when Michael offered to buy them some new panties at Victoria’s Secret. The only way it could get worse would have been for Michael to use a company credit card and for Dunder Mifflin to actually approve the expense.

Should the women of Dunder Mifflin (collectively or individually) later choose to challenge the company’s employment practices as discriminatory, then this type of evidence is going to seal its fate. And, as for Michael’s inquiries whether female employees who are upset with him are having their periods and his reenactment of the “flasher” who exposed himself to Phyllis by putting his finger in his zipper and pretending it is a penis, well, that just introduced Dunder Mifflin to seven-figure damage calculations.

Remember when I said that being a jerk wasn’t illegal? Well, that may change. According to an article in the L.A. Times, legislatures in New Jersey, New York, Vermont and Washington are considering bills which would give employees the right to seek damages if their employer creates an “abusive work environment.” I’m not really sure what “abusive work environment” will mean, but it looks like these bills may create a cause of action for bad manners.

And, even worse, it appears that there will be no shortage of cases. In an online contest sponsored by the AFL/CIO, employees submitted horror stories about their bosses for the chance of winning an all expense paid trip to Vegas. My personal favorite was the boss who treated his employees to lunch by taking them to a discount warehouse to eat free samples. Another good one was the lawyer who called his office every morning while brushing his teeth and “conducting other business” in the bathroom. But these didn’t win the grand prize. That went to the company who, during a fire, did not allow its help desk employees to immediately evacuate the building. Instead, the company required that the employees leave their desks every five minutes in order of seniority, which resulted in the most junior employees having to remain in a smoldering, smoke-filled office for up to forty-five minutes.

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Litigation Value: $350,000

Employers who fail to fire employees who tape pepper spray canisters, nunchucks, and throwing stars to the bottom of their desks are playing with fire. Expensive fire. Sure, Roy started it, and I’m glad Dunder Mifflin fired him. But what about Dwight? After all, the man kept weapons at work for God knows how long. And if Roy can prove that Dunder Mifflin knew about them and failed to take action, then he just might have a claim for damages (e.g., eye doctor appointments, pain and suffering, etc.). Maybe Toby should go ahead and start to prepare for this deposition, too, while he is at it.

To make matters worse, Dwight admits having the weapons during Toby’s investigation into the incident. The time has come for Dunder Mifflin to part ways with Dwight. And unlike they did with Roy, the bosses should spring for the fifteen bucks and just FedEx Dwight’s last check to him.

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Litigation Value: $75,000 (I’m sticking with my earlier assessment)

A number of people have asked me whether Jan could really be fired for dating Michael. My answer? Probably. Well, at least in most states. Employers can, and often do, implement policies prohibiting their employees from engaging in romantic relationships with co-workers and, certainly, with subordinates. And Courts typically uphold those policies. Or at least they used to. In February, the Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia struck down a company’s policy prohibiting any fraternization, dating or becoming “overly friendly” with co-workers on the theory that the policy could be interpreted by employees as prohibiting employees from discussing the terms and conditions of their employment, which violates the National Labor Relations Act.

A policy prohibiting any employees from being “overly friendly” with one another — can you imagine what would happen if Dunder Mifflin enforced such a policy? My guess is that Stanley would be the only employee left in Scranton.

Litigation Value: 33 million????

Typically, the workplace is not an appropriate location to practice “creative discipline.” Such “creativity” can be, and often is, misconstrued. Take, for example, Ryan. Michael was retaliating against him for making disparaging remarks about the company. Probably not illegal but easily could have been had Ryan engaged in an activity protected by law — such as complaining that Dunder Mifflin engaged in illegal practices. Then, the fact that Michael moved Ryan’s office to an annex where Michael knew it would upset Ryan and (obviously) disrupt his work could very well be actionable.

Dunder Mifflin would not be the only company that was being sued over a change in an employee’s office location. On May 26, 2007, the New York Daily News reported that a Connecticut secretary sued her former employer for $33 million because it moved her — along with her entire department — to another part of the office and declined her request for a desk closer to the window. According to the article, the secretary suffers from “seasonal affective disorder.” As it was, the new desk was just three feet away from the window. I guess that just wasn’t close enough for her.