Oswald Letter

Mother Knows Best

Last week, I wrote about the decline of civility in our world. It seemed to me that if we all would reflect on what we were taught as children by our mothers, we’d treat one another a whole lot better. That got me to thinking about the impact my mother has had on my life and led me to the conclusion that everything I need to know about managing people I learned from my mother.

Think about that for a minute. Remember all the things you learned from your mother, whether it was what she said or what she did? How many of those things apply to your role as a manager? My guess would be plenty. Let me give you a few examples.

Be honest. Mom taught me to tell the truth. It isn’t always the easiest path, but somehow it always works out best in the end. When I was in the third grade, I got in a fight on the playground after school. I was hauled into the principal’s office and sent home with a note for my parents to sign. Being the clever eight-year-old that I was, I had the girl with the best penmanship in class sign my mother’s name to the note so that I could avoid telling my parents what had happened. Two problems with my plan. First, the signature looked like it was written by, well, a third grader. Second, I didn’t have the guts to pull it off. I couldn’t bring myself to try to pass it off as my mother’s signature to the principal. So I had to fess up and tell my mother what I had done. Not only did I get punished for the fight, but I got it worse for trying to lie my way out of it. It was a big lesson for me. Tell the truth in the first place and things go better.

The same goes for managing people. We all have times when it would be better to be honest with someone and address an issue head on, but instead we try to sweep it under the rug and hope it goes away. This is especially true when it comes to performance issues. It’s not always easy to be honest and tell someone what they’re doing wrong and what they need to do to improve. But it’s always the best policy to be honest and deal with it. If not, you’ll get punished twice like I did. First, you’ll end up having to fire someone because you didn’t help him improve his performance. Second, you could end up getting hit with a lawsuit because you failed to take the appropriate steps to document the situation. Be honest with the people you manage!

That leads me to the second thing Mom taught me about managing people: Be kind. Sure you need to be honest and let someone know their faults or shortcomings, but you can do it nicely. Some might think that when you counsel an employee it must be harsh. That you need to separate your feelings from the situation and treat the employee coldly. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you are communicating openly and honestly with your people, you can also do it with compassion. Don’t mistake honesty for harshness. They’re not the same.

When I told my Mom about the forged signature on the note, she was compassionate about it. That didn’t mean I didn’t get punished, far from it, but she was understanding first. She understood that I was an eight-year-old who’d used poor judgment. She was honest about what she thought about my stunt, but she was kind. Then she doled out my punishment. Never a harsh word was spoken, but I got the message.

My mother also taught me, more by example than anything, that patience truly is a virtue. My mother had the patience of a saint. I can tell you that with certainty because my brother and I tested it regularly. The two of us are one year and one day apart. We played hard and fought hard. We were boys.

I can remember one time we were playing with a beach ball in the living room. I’m sure it was my brother’s idea because he’s younger so he always got the blame. Anyway, one of my mother’s Hummel figurines found its way into the path of that beach ball. Of course it was broken. Now, I grew up in a household that was middle class. We didn’t have a lot, but we certainly didn’t go without either. But that Hummel was a prized possession of my mother’s. In fact, I believe it was a wedding gift.

My mother was devastated, but she was patient with us. Instead of blowing up, she sat us down and taught us a lesson about balls in the house. She patiently explained how important that Hummel was to her and why. She let us know that she was hurt by our foolishness, and that’s when she had us. Had she yelled and screamed, we probably would have gotten over it pretty quickly. Instead she demonstrated patience with us and taught us a lesson that has stuck with me for decades.

Patience is also important when you’re managing people. They’re going to screw up. They’re going to make mistakes. You can blow up, scream a lot, and then pick up the pieces yourself. Or you can demonstrate patience like my mother did and use it as a teaching moment. Show them what they did wrong. Tell them how it hurt the business. Let them learn from the mistake instead of putting them on the defensive. Most people really care and want to do a good job. By patiently teaching them where they went wrong, you’ll end up with a better employee who really appreciates your approach.

My mom was a great listener, a key for any manager. She taught me the importance of dependability and respect. She demonstrated the importance of humility and service. Yes, I could go on and on. Think back about your own childhood. What did you learn from your mom that you can apply to your role as a manager? I think you’ll discover that mother really does know best.

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