Workaholics: Drug testing

April 06, 2015 4 COMMENTS

The Comedy Central show Workaholics is currently in its fifth season of depicting a fresh (and hilarious) human resources nightmare week after week. The show is about three recent college dropouts (Blake, Adam, and Anders) who also happen to be roommates and coworkers at a fictional telemarketing company, TelAmeriCorp. To give you an idea of just how mischievous these three can be, their drug dealer/turtle feeder is also a regular fixture on the show. iStock_000003274349_Large

Fittingly, the pilot episode deals with the trio attempting to pass a company-wide drug test after a day of partying. Their shenanigans include, for example, bribing a middle school boy with fireworks and ninja stars in exchange for clean urine. When this plan goes awry (I won’t give away the messy details), the group decides to accept their  fate and take the drug test. Blake, however, finds inspiration from the film Die Hard and decides to contaminate ALL the employees’ samples before escaping just in the nick of time. Shocked to find that all TelAmeriCorp employees failed the drug test, Alice Murphy (senior sales associate and boss to our oddly endearing–though often disgusting and misguided–trio) relieves the drug tester of his duties. Blake, Adam, and Anders celebrate only to learn that the company has planned a hair follicle test.

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Oh [no], Canada!

November 17, 2013 0 COMMENTS

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the past couple of weeks, you’ve probably heard about Toronto’s crack-shutterstock_128700830smoking mayor, Rob Ford. No, I don’t mean that term in the figurative sense or as a commentary on some outlandish political policy he has chosen to pursue. I mean it quite literally, as Rob Ford admitted in a November 5 press conference to smoking crack cocaine while in one of his “drunken stupors.” (I’m not kidding. Those are his words.) And while we Americans all know Canadian beer is like moonshine, that’s hardly an excuse for an elected official choosing to dance with the devil—even one as offensive and scandal-ridden as Ford, who some have labeled as “Mayor McCrack.”

Sadly, Toronto is not the first major city to go through such a scandal. Most of us remember the time when Marion Barry, then mayor of our nation’s own Capital, was caught on tape himself smoking crack. Barry, of course, was arrested and served six months in prison, only to be re-elected mayor four years later. So maybe there’s still hope for Ford. And if you’ve read much of what he’s been quoted as saying, you might think a little time out of the spotlight would do him some good.

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Biogenesis and the (Bad) Boys of Summer

August 16, 2013 0 COMMENTS

For some people, summer evokes thoughts of sunshine and long walks on the beach with sand under their bare feet (sounds like the setting of a Nicholas Sparks novel … or so I’m told). For me, I think of baseball. As an annual subscriber to MLB Extra Innings, I think of the plethora of games waiting for me when I get home from work, especially those of my hometown Red Sox. I constantly check my fantasy baseball team to see what moves I can make to catapult me up the standings. When I’m working late, the text from my wife doesn’t just ask when I’m coming home, but also provides me with spirit-lifting updates: “McCutchen just hit a three-run bomb.” Pause. Fist pump. Back to work.

But this summer, my fellow baseball fans and I aren’t the only ones thinking and talking about America’s pastime. Biogenesis has dominated the headlines, culminating in the suspension of 13 major and minor league baseball players this month, in addition to last month’s suspension of Ryan Braun. Interestingly, none of these players actually tested positive for performance enhancing drugs (except for Braun back in 2011, who successfully appealed based on a technicality, and has now been introduced to my friend karma). A failed test would establish per se grounds for a 50-game suspension pursuant to the Joint Drug Agreement (JDA) between Major League Baseball and the Player’s Union.

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