All you need is employment law

August 04, 2014 - by: Andy Tanick 1 COMMENTS

Our blog seems to have focused quite a bit recently on stories from the world of sports, and given the number of professional athletes behaving badly lately, that comes as no surprise. So for this week, we’ll take a break from litigious punters, abusive running backs, and egotistical power forwards to focus on another area of entertainment. Our diversion is well-timed, because I was fortunate enough to attend Paul McCartney’s concert last weekend at Target Field in Minneapolis, where the hapless Minnesota Twins are usually the athletes playing badly, if not behaving badly.  Beatles

What do Paul McCartney and the Beatles have to do with employment law? Well, plenty as it turns out. In fact, with a little creativity, we can conjure up an employment-law subtext to many of the top hits by Sir Paul and his bandmates.

Let’s start with some obvious ones. What HR manager hasn’t had the nightmare of dealing with a lecherous employee who is fond of telling his coworkers, “I Want To Hold Your Hand”? On those seemingly rare occasions when such advances are welcome, the resulting workplace relationship almost always ends badly, and on those more frequent occasions when the proposition is declined, a sexual harassment complaint may not be far behind.

Many popular Beatles’ songs take on a whole new meaning when we view them through the prism of the reasonable accommodation provisions of the Americans with Disabilities Act. According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), it seems that an employer should begin engaging in the interactive process any time an employee says, “Help! I need somebody!” That’s when a top-notch HR manager will tell the employee, “We Can Work It Out,” if it can be done reasonably, without undue hardship. And once that employee has been accommodated and can resume happy and productive employment, he or she is sure to respond to any inquiries about work by saying, “I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.” Or if the employee is Joe Cocker, something unintelligible that sounds sort of like that. (Too obscure a reference? Prove me wrong, readers!)

Of course, physical disabilities are not the only ones that employers are required to accommodate. So if one of your employees announces one day, “I Am The Walrus,” or even “I am the egg man,” for that matter, a whole different type of accommodation may be required. Unless of course, the employee does not suffer from a disability at all, but simply reported to work while Hi Hi Hi. (Yeah, I know, that’s the Wings not the Beatles; it’s called artistic license, and it’s a method well known to any Paperback Writer.) If that’s the case, you may need to look at your state’s drug and alcohol testing laws, rather than considering an accommodation.

While we’re on the subject of different protected classes, with today’s aging workforce, many senior employees may be asking their employer, “Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I’m 64.” An employer who gives the wrong answer to that question may find itself on The Long And Winding Road of an age discrimination lawsuit.

Switching to a different area of employment law, we’ve all seen a lot more wage and hour claims over the past few years. Having said that, however, I have yet to see an overtime claim arising from an employee being forced to work Eight Days A Week. Of course, we know that claim is false. Why? Because that employee may have been working a lot lately, but our time records show that she didn’t work Yesterday.

When viewed through the eyes of an HR manager, an employee’s plea to stay here and not go to work Back In The USSR turns into a somewhat outdated request for help with an H1-B visa. And in the event of a workplace injury, you’d better hope that the shop foreperson’s motto was not “Live And Let Die.”

Sometimes, despite the superhuman efforts of the HR Department and the company’s employment counsel, the employee may still have a valid claim. No employer is perfect. But even in that unlikely scenario, all is not lost; while money Can’t Buy Me Love, it can usually buy a reasonable settlement.

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1 COMMENTS

1 H Ebert
09:37:56, 08/08/14

If you have trouble understanding Joe Cocker’s version of “Little Help From My Friends” here’s some help from our friends:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxK4iGx_bno

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